Check out this wonderful note I received from a student at the Naval Postgraduate School, who was enrolled in the school's Center for Homeland Defense and Security master's degree program. I was one of her two faculty thesis advisors.
Mitchell Friedman writes about how to be and do better, and to make our organizations stronger
Check out this wonderful note I received from a student at the Naval Postgraduate School, who was enrolled in the school's Center for Homeland Defense and Security master's degree program. I was one of her two faculty thesis advisors.
I was totally unaware of the band Oasis when they emerged on the music scene in the 1990s. It was only after they disbanded for the first time in the late 2000s that I discovered their catalogue. Now they’re one of my favorite bands.
Such discoveries excite me. Just when I think I’ve reached the limits of my tastes, along comes something new that challenges how I think about the genre or a specific subject. That it’s new to me, and not to the dedicated legion of fans long familiar with the work, matters not one wit.
The joy of experiencing something for the first time, and reliving that experience again and again, makes life worth living.
Assume you’ve been asked to speak at an event or conference. The event organizer likely will provide you with specific instructions regarding your presentation and related promotional material. Follow the guidelines you’ve been given. It’s a matter of professional courtesy and respect for your client and the organization they represent.
If you are given ten minutes to speak, then speak for no more than ten minutes. There’s a schedule. If your presentation runs longer than ten minutes, you risk disrupting the entire schedule. Subsequent speakers may not have as much time as promised. The person overseeing the event must deal with any negative fallout as a result of your failure to adhere to time limits. In short, everyone suffers—including you.
Along the same vein, if you’ve been asked to provide a biography of no more than 50 words, edit it so it’s 50 words—not 55 or 60. It’s harder to write 50 words than 75 or 100 words; still, with a little effort (and the use of AI) it’s doable. And if you exceed the word limit, the event organizer may have to edit your copy—which they won’t have to do for others who met their requirements. You could leave a lasting impression—not a good one.
In other words, it’s about the event or occasion. It’s not about you and your desire for more speaking time or space in written materials. Leave your personal preferences at home. Be professional. Follow the guidance you are given.
Sometimes you are one speaker in a series. You might be part of a panel presentation, or simply deliver a standalone presentation—one among many in a meeting or at an event, sometimes without interruption. Regardless, you face the dual challenge of standing out (being memorable) and fitting in (relating to the presentations before and after you).
To meet both challenges, start by getting copies of other speakers’ presentations (their PowerPoint slides, if appropriate) before hand. You want to ensure that you don’t duplicate what others say, which will annoy your audience.
You can also defer to those speakers more knowledgeable about topics than you are by virtue of their title and/or experience. In other words, cover only that material where you can claim specialized knowledge and avoid repeating what has already been said. Better still, refer to specific speakers by name to help create an integrated program (as opposed to a series of disconnected presentations). Both your fellow speakers and audience will thank you! you are one speaker in a series. You might be part of a panel presentation, or simply deliver a standalone presentation—one among many in a meeting or at an event, sometimes without interruption. Regardless, you face the dual challenge of standing out (being memorable) and fitting in (relating to the presentations before and after you).
To meet both challenges, start by getting copies of other speakers’ presentations (their PowerPoint slides, if appropriate) before hand. You want to ensure that you don’t duplicate what others say, which will annoy your audience.
You can also defer to those speakers more knowledgeable about topics than you are by virtue of their title and/or experience. In other words, cover only that material where you can claim specialized knowledge and avoid repeating what has already been said. Better still, refer to specific speakers by name to help create an integrated program (as opposed to a series of disconnected presentations). Both your fellow speakers and audience will thank you!
I’ve been told that my feelings show plainly on my face. I don’t have a “poker face;” rather, you can glean my state of mind with a simple glance. While I have learned to keep this tendency in check, I’ll never fool people who know me well.
What I will never suppress—what I remain steadfast in expressing freely—is my enthusiasm. I gush. I get excited. I gesture emphatically. I speak more quickly. I cannot fake it. It’s not acting. It’s the way I am.
The thing is, I’m older than the age of a person you’d think would be most prone to such expressions of enthusiasm. How do I know? I look at people’s faces when I’m in the midst of one of my outbursts of enthusiasm. They often have smiles on their faces suggesting “he cannot be serious” or “he’s pretending to be enthusiastic.” It’s like once you reach a certain age a staid, stern demeanor should be what you present to the world.
Our world is full of posturing, pretending, self-aggrandizing behavior and calculated “personal branding.” The last thing we need is more of the same. We need expressions of genuine excitement, the more spontaneous the better.
Let us celebrate such enthusiastic expressions of appreciation, wonder, and joy, no matter our age. Because genuine enthusiasm never grows old. I am living proof of this point.
During one open school night when I was in high school, my parents met with my math teacher, Ira Goldstein. In retrospect I can see he was a good teacher, despite his monotonous voice and tendency to rock back and forth as he spoke to the class. “Don’t settle for mediocrity,” he would constantly tell the class. I most certainly did not; in fact, I had one of the highest cumulative scores on my tests in the entire class.
So when my parents returned from their meeting with Mr. Goldstein I expected to hear nothing less than glowing accolades and a shower of praise about my intelligence and diligence. Instead, he shared this observation with my parents:
“Mitchell will always do well in math, but he will never invent math.” That is, in his opinion, I would never develop new mathematical theories or concepts.
It took me quite a few years to understand the underlying meaning of Mr. Goldstein’s statement, once I got over the initial shock of hearing it. I see now how correct he was, and that’s a source of great comfort rather than irritation.
Let me explain. I always did do well in math, specifically in those classes I completed after Mr. Goldstein’s class. I worked hard, as I did in all my classes. But math did not come as easily to me as history, English, or countless other subjects. I often struggled. I agonized. I felt a lot of stress. Yet I persisted. I never quit. And I got A grades across the board, save for a B+ in calculus during my freshman year of college (which I had to REALLY work for).
But I never loved math. I tolerated it. I couldn’t fathom what to do with it besides balance my checkbook. As soon as I didn’t have to take math in high school, I didn’t (to the dismay of my high school guidance counselor). And I haven’t taken another math class since my freshman year of college.
Given this experience, I knew I could “do” math, and do it well, if I needed to. I could make myself do it if I had to. That was my limit. The subject served no higher purpose in my life. I didn’t feel motivated in any way to explore its intricacies and possibilities. In this sense, Mr. Goldstein was right.
I was reminded of this realization many years later when I had to complete a statistics course as part of my doctoral program in education. True to form, I worked hard and did well. I had to work hard. It was a grind. I was relieved when the class ended. Fortunately the instructor was skilled in teaching statistics to people like me (who feared it and even hated it). He shared a passion for the subject that I could admire but never aspire to emulate. He once described a certain statistical calculation as “intuitive and elegant.” Statistics would never be intuitive to me, and I never could fathom what elegant meant in this context.
So I would never invent statistics, just like I never invented math. And that’s okay. I understand why. I don’t love these subjects, and only occasionally bump into them in my life.
The minor inconveniences such avoidance of statistics and math might have caused is outweighed by my ability to redirect my energies to other domains where I can be creative (and may even someday invent things)—like in the fields of personal productivity and leadership development, for example. Thank you, Mr. Goldstein!
I teach my students to make eye contact with members of their audience when they deliver a speech. Such contact helps to forge a connection with the audience. It contributes to the overall success of their speaking efforts.
Yet it’s not natural for many students to make eye contact. They may lack confidence or be afraid. Making direct eye contact with others may be contrary to the norms of the culture in which they were raised. They have to learn to make and sustain eye contact nevertheless, and the process of learning to do so can take time.
What I often see gets in the way of eye contact is over reliance on written text. That may take the form of putting too much copy on a PowerPoint slide, or detailed notes. The individual may even write out their entire speech. In these instances students may read their copy off the text or screen. That may inhibit their ability to maintain continuous eye contact with audience.
I understand that words matter. My students only want to assure that they share every word that they’ve written. They want to do a good job. They want to be thorough. They want to impress their supervisor (or me). I cannot fault them for doing so.
Moreover, there are instances where every word matters. In those instances speeches should be read. Some students likely will encounter such situations.
Yet most speaking opportunities do not require a written text, at least in my experience. Perhaps more importantly, the need to read from a text does not preclude making eye contact. It takes a commitment to learn how to do so, for short periods at a time, and lots of practice.
The bottom line is that audiences want to connect with the speaker. They want to get a sense of the person making the speech. They don’t want to be read to. Eye contact is critical and I’d consider it indispensable for having the impact you desire.
I’m not naive. I know that if people don’t get other people to buy what they’re selling, they don’t earn money. They risk not being able to have a life. But can we at least pause while touting our wares? Can’t we give the prospect time to decide whether what we’re offering might interest them? What’s the rush?
There is a rush. And so we all suffer from premature marketing. We barely catch our breath before we’re hit over the head with an offer. Consider the following example: you’re browsing the Internet to find articles on a specific topic. You find a link that looks promising, and you click on it. You start to read the article, and immediately (within ten seconds) are confronted with a pop up window. You’re urged to provide your email address to subscribe to this site, to receive future articles like the one you’re reading.
In other words, you haven’t even read an article much less even considered whether or not it’s useful. Yet you’re supposed to commit to receive future articles by email. I think and act quickly, but not that quickly. I leave the site immediately.
What’s the rush? Why not give the reader the chance to make an informed decision? Do you need to be so narrowly focused on collecting email addresses at the expense of connecting with truly interested and potentially engaged readers? With those annoying popup windows, It seems like the former, but shouldn’t it be the latter?
Along the same vein: my wife had used the services of a local dentist for several years. She liked the dentist, and knew I was searching for one at the time. Her dentist had a referral program, and she got an electric toothbrush for referring me. All good and above board, right?
Not so fast. I made an appointment with the dentist for a “complimentary consultation.” No problem there. Within a week of my appointment, I received the same referral letter as my wife. They offered me the same electronic toothbrush if I referred others to this dentist.
I had one visit to this dentist. They suggested certain procedures. That was it. They didn’t do any of the procedures. I had no way of evaluating their work, much less deciding if I wanted to refer others to them.
Again, what was the rush? Couldn’t they have waited until I actually had the recommended dental procedures? And besides, what good would a referral from me be anyway? I didn’t have any personal experience with them (above and beyond a free consultation).
In short, we need to time our marketing to increase the likelihood we connect with good prospects. Rushing them for our own purposes serves no one--not them, and certainly not us.
You’ve been in your job for some time now. Perhaps you’ve been promoted. Other exciting professional development opportunities have come your way. But recently—not so many. Your daily routine has become drudgery. You watch the clock, looking forward to your lunch break and the end of the working day. You know you’re good at your job. You earn the praise of your supervisors. But you’re bored and find few challenges to keep the spark you once had for your profession alive. Simply put, you feel stuck. You’re in a rut, and you’re at a loss as to how to escape it short of finding a new job (and that’s often easier said than done).
But all is not lost. Many of us at one point or another in our careers find ourselves in similar circumstances. Fortunately, we have options for identifying and learning from them. We do so by applying time-tested strategies to reinvigorate our work and life. In other words, the passion and enthusiasm we once had can return if we take action.
I'll discuss the positive steps we can take to get out of a professional rut in two webinars I'm delivering in January 2024 for PCI Webinars. To learn more about the content of these webinars, go here or contact me.
Here I stand behind the registration table for the weekly meeting of the Rotary Club of Monterey. For the last year, I’ve been delighted to have the opportunity to serve in this role (and similar ones). Why? I consider it vitally important to greet attendees, members and newcomers, alike.
There’s nothing like a warm hello, and even a handshake, when you enter the setting of a group meeting. It signals you’re among friends. Your presence matters. People appreciate your attendance.
A newcomer to the group benefits as well. Perhaps the person knows no one at the meeting. It’s difficult to walk into a room of complete strangers. Despite my outgoing nature, I often find it difficult. An enthusiastic and warm greeting when I arrive provides an instantaneous personal connection. It converts my anxiety and fear about being brand new into a warm feeling. I know I am welcome. I know the group is happy to have me. The likelihood I’m going to enjoy the gathering increases. The likelihood I’ll attend again in the future does as well.
Regardless of the occasion or context, we can always spare at least one person to greet arriving individuals. The benefits--a more engaged and enthusiastic group of attendees--make it worthwhile.
In response to the uptick in requests to connect on LinkedIn from people I don't know (and who don't know me), I humbly offer the following four step process to members of the community with the hope they'll use it to increase the likelihood of making such connections actually happen.
To start, let's say you've identified a person you want to connect to on LinkedIn.I often hear presenters and educators label questions as "excellent," "insightful," or "thoughtful." I cannot help but wonder how these individuals would describe questions that do not merit a label at all. They'd never call them out as "stupid" or "obvious," but do they believe that? And how is the audience member to feel when they're question doesn't earn praise from the speaker?
As an educator, I want questions. I need questions. I rely on them to get a sense of what's going on in my classes. For example, if a student in a course has a question about an assignment I need to revisit my instructions. If students ask about topics I may not have planned to include in the course, perhaps I need to do so at some point. That may be now or in future iterations of the course.
That's why I consider all questions as good questions. And I don't need to label them as such.