A Plea for a Graceful and Accepting Attitude When Receiving Negative Feedback

I've received thousands of evaluations on my teaching from students enrolled in my classes. Most of this feedback has been positive, even glowing. Yet there's been plenty of feedback on how to improve. In some instances, comments have been more pointed and even personal. Regardless, it's all just feedback. I'm grateful for all of it. No one comment is more or less valuable than any other one. In short, I've adopted an attitude of gracefulness and acceptance towards all student feedback. It has served me well over the years.

I couldn't help but reflect on my approach to feedback recently. I had just attended a Homeowners Association (HOA) Board of Directors meeting. It serves the community where my wife and I live. When called upon, I shared our experience in working with an electrician recommended by the HOA's management company.  In short, our experience was not pleasant. Communication was intermittent at best. On top of that, the project took longer to complete than originally estimated. The final price was not the quoted price. Therefore, I proclaimed, we would not call on this electrician in the future when we needed such services.

The management company's president responded with two comments.

1. "Gee, that's the first time I've ever heard anything negative about the electrician."
2. "Well, Mitchell, you were the among the first owners to reach out to this electrician to complete the project in question."

I interpreted these comments as follows:

1. I was the only one who had ever had issues with the electrician. No one else had complained before, so my assessment was deemed less than valid. 
2. I shouldn't have expected the electrician to have the project all figured out. After all, I was in one of the first units his crew had worked on! Apparently, they needed time to figure it all out. My wife and I didn't know that. Therefore, given the need to respond to the management company's mandate to address a critical electrical issue, we suffered through the electrician's learning curve. 

I felt dismissed. I felt patronized. 

All that I needed was a thank you for my feedback. That's it. Instead, I'm left wondering if my words mattered one bit. 

In short, the situation called for a more gracefulness toward and acceptance of feedback. That would have gone a long way towards making me feel good about being a member of the community.  

We Can Never Thank Our Volunteers Enough

Organizations that rely heavily on the contributions of volunteers realize two points. One, volunteers by definition don't have to do anything. They can simply pick up and walk away as they see fit. And two, absent the effort of dedicated volunteers, these organizations are unable to do the work they need to do.

That's why the successful recruitment and retention of volunteers begins with appreciation. That means recognizing volunteers for their ongoing contributions to the organization. The substance of such recognition may vary. Nevertheless, it's factored into planning and execution of volunteer programs.

Saying "thank you" is the simplest, clearest form of recognition. It might be a shout out at an event. Or listing volunteer names on a PowerPoint slide. Or sharing volunteer achievements in a newspaper article. And of course social media posts can acknowledge individuals by name. In short, opportunities abound to show our appreciation for volunteer efforts. 

It doesn't necessarily take a lot of time, or effort, or money, to share such appreciation. It only requires a commitment to do so that's born out of a genuine caring and concern for the individuals who step forward to donate their time and talent. 

The Absurdity of the Statement "I would love to teach, but I don't want to do all the grading"

I've been teaching for 27 years. So, when someone asks me what I do, I necessarily talk about teaching. During the conversation that ensues, the person with whom I am speaking often comments: "I would love to teach, but I don't want to do all the grading."

Let's break this statement down a bit.

"Grading" refers to a letter grade, numerical score, or simply a pass/fail based on the assessment of student work on an "assignment." That assignment might written, spoken, or in another format. Regardless, the assignment calls on students to apply what they've learned in the course. Reviewing this student work provides the instructor feedback on student progress. More broadly, the instructor gains insight about the effectiveness of their teaching. Assessing the work--"grading" it-- gives the student feedback on how well they're doing in the class. Ideally, it also offers recommendations for improvement--that is, to help students learn and grow. 

"Grading" serves the needs of both the instructor and student. Without it, it's impossible to determine if actual learning takes place. 

In short, to proclaim "I would love to teach, but I don't want to do all the grading" is absurd. They necessarily go together. 

On Fighting the Battle When You're the Only Combatant

I'm a fighter. That means if there's a cause I believe in, or an argument worth making, I will do so. It also means I get clear about what I want and relentlessly ask for it if need be. Over time I've improved my ability to identify circumstances that merit a good fight. Nonetheless, I may pay a price for my actions and attitudes. That's okay. I've fought the good fight. I've been true to myself. 

Yet I see that sometimes (perhaps even most of the time) I will fight when I'm the only one doing so. I get it into my head that others are pitted against me and equally willing to fight. Such "opposition" often doesn't exist. There may be little to no interest in the issue. Or me and my concerns are the furthest things from anyone's mind.

So there's no fight. There's no need for me to fight. So I've learned not to do so. And on those occasions, I gain a bit more peace of mind. That, plus the likelihood I'll direct my attention to individual interests and concerns. That's a whole lot more productive and satisfying than fighting. 

Offering Your Advice (When Asked)

I don't as a rule offer unsolicited advice. When I'm asked, I do. I strive to be specific and relevant. I want my words to truly help the individual who asked for advice. I find the individual's background and their specific questions can help guide me in delivering advice that makes sense to them.

Sometimes, the request for advice lies outside my areas of experience and knowledge. I'll let the person know that before I respond. And when I respond, I do so in general terms that may (or may not) be relevant to the individual. At different times during the conversation, I'll check in to see if what I've shared is helpful nonetheless. If it isn't, that's not a problem. I'll stop. Better I know than to talk on for no one else's benefit other than my own. 

Leaving a Room Exactly How You Want to Find It When You Return

I make it a habit to leave a room exactly how I want to find it when I return. That means everything is in its proper place. These places largely remain consistent. Surfaces are clean and uncluttered. If something belongs in a drawer or hidden away, that's where it is. Check out this picture of my office at the Naval Postgraduate School for a visual representation of what I'm discussing here.  

You don't see books scattered randomly on my desk, or loose papers, or office supplies other than some post it notes (which I use frequently) and a pen case. I need to frequently access the books on my table (to the left of my desk) so that's their permanent home (and they are neatly organized in orange magazine files). The same goes for the binders, as they contain materials for classes I'm currently teaching. 

In other words, when I return to my office, I don't want to spend time cleaning up or organizing it. I've tended to those tasks during my previous stay. I don't have to think about where things are. I know exactly where they are when I arrive. I can get right to work on my most important tasks of the day. 

How to Break Into a New Professional Community

Let’s say you’ve landed a job in a field different than the one you previously worked in. Or you decided to launch an entirely new career or start a business. You’ve done your homework, in so far as reading everything you could find on the Internet. Then you shared what you learned with the AI tool of your choice to ask questions to fill in gaps in your knowledge. 

You’re ready to get started on your new adventure, or so you think. But you might not have spoken to anyone who actually does the work you want. Perhaps you know people — or know people who know people — who do this kind of work. Yet connecting with them might take considerable time and effort. So, you pause, and ask yourself: are there professional communities for people who do the work? Where are they? So, you seek them out. You find them. Now, what do you do?

Ideally, you choose to attend local meetings of such professional and business associations. Perhaps you’ll even attend a national conference, time and budget permitting.  Your conversations will provide you with invaluable insight and information. 

Still, before you venture into exploring new groups, you pause (again). Pursuing a new path professionally can be daunting by itself. Exploring related groups catering to like-minded professionals can be even more challenging. Some have long a history, and participants who know each other well. It can be hard for newcomers to break in. These groups may even consider themselves as gatekeepers for the profession. Their support and “blessing” for your journey could matter a lot.  So you need to plan your outreach with all due care and consideration.

In other words, what can you do? How do you make the most of these new places and connections right out of the gate? Actually, the solution lies not so much in what you do. It’s what you don’t do, in part. It’s about how you conduct yourself from the start. That means from the moment you make the initial contact. 

Here’s some guidance based on my experiences in attempting to “break into” new professional communities over the past few decades. 

First, don’t focus on what you can get. Yes, you have specific needs in attending. You need to tend to them. All participants do. But as a first timer, that narrow focus is shortsighted and potentially counterproductive. Coming across as self-centered, and even arrogant or a know it all, only will alienate others.  

Instead, consider how you your responses to the following questions before you reach out.  

• How can you demonstrate your genuine interest and passion for the group?
• How can you show that you’re here for the long haul? 
• How can you support others you meet and the group as a whole? 

Remain low key and humble. Remember, you are visiting the group to learn. You want people to want to help you. You want to learn from them.  Otherwise, why are you there? In other words, adopt an attitude of curiosity, inquiry, and generosity. Make it about others, and the organization, not about you. In time, as you get to know others and they get to know you, your needs will be met.  

New Blog on Teaching the Organizational Behavior Course

During the summer of 2025, I'm teaching the "Leading Innovative Organizations and People" (in other words, organizational behavior) course at the Naval Postgraduate School. To that end, I've set up a new blog to discuss my experiences in developing and teaching the course. You can find it here. 

Certification to Administer Emotional Intelligence Assessments

This week I completed the EQ-i 2.0/EQ 360 Certification Program (see certificate above). It was offered by The Emotional Intelligence Training Company (EITC). I now can administer two emotional intelligence assessments, as follows:

1) The Emotional Quotient Inventory (EQ-i 2.0), which is the world’s leading measure of emotional intelligence, applying decades of research to support effective human performance and development. The fifteen competencies in the scientifically validated EQ-i 2.0 model are highly correlated with inspirational leadership, innovative work cultures, highly-effective teams, and engaged and committed talent.

2) The EQ 360, which measures the same fifteen EQ competencies, and combines individual perceptions of EQ with the perceptions of others who know them well, who are 360 degrees around them.

In the short term, I'll have the opportunity to incorporate what I've learned about emotional intelligence into my courses on organization behavior and leadership at the Naval Postgraduate School.

Over time, I look forward to working with individuals who complete the EQ-i 2.0 assessment as a means of learning how they can develop personally and professionally. I've completed the assessment myself, and can enthusiastically vouch for its value as a catalyst for reflection and growth.

A Note of Appreciation from a Thesis Student

 

Check out this wonderful note I received from a student at the Naval Postgraduate School, who was enrolled in the school's Center for Homeland Defense and Security master's degree program. I was one of her two faculty thesis advisors. 

The Thrill of Discovering Something New That’s Old

I was totally unaware of the band Oasis when they emerged on the music scene in the 1990s. It was only after they disbanded for the first time in the late 2000s that I discovered their catalogue. Now they’re one of my favorite bands.

Such discoveries excite me. Just when I think I’ve reached the limits of my tastes, along comes something new that challenges how I think about the genre or a specific subject. That it’s new to me, and not to the dedicated legion of fans long familiar with the work, matters not one wit. 

The joy of experiencing something for the first time, and reliving that experience again and again, makes life worth living. 

Respect Communication Guidelines: It’s About Professional Courtesy

Assume you’ve been asked to speak at an event or conference. The event organizer likely will provide you with specific instructions regarding your presentation and related promotional material.  Follow the guidelines you’ve been given. It’s a matter of professional courtesy and respect for your client and the organization they represent. 

If you are given ten minutes to speak, then speak for no more than ten minutes. There’s a schedule. If your presentation runs longer than ten minutes, you risk disrupting the entire schedule. Subsequent speakers may not have as much time as promised. The person overseeing the event must deal with any negative fallout as a result of your failure to adhere to time limits. In short, everyone suffers—including you. 

Along the same vein, if you’ve been asked to provide a biography of no more than 50 words, edit it so it’s 50 words—not 55 or 60. It’s harder to write 50 words than 75 or 100 words; still, with a little effort (and the use of AI) it’s doable. And if you exceed the word limit, the event organizer may have to edit your copy—which they won’t have to do for others who met their requirements. You could leave a lasting impression—not a good one.

In other words, it’s about the event or occasion. It’s not about you and your desire for more speaking time or space in written materials. Leave your personal preferences at home. Be professional. Follow the guidance you are given.  

How to Stand Out in a Speaker Lineup

Sometimes you are one speaker in a series. You might be part of a panel presentation, or simply deliver a standalone presentation—one among many in a meeting or at an event, which sometimes take place without much time between them. Regardless, you face the dual challenge of standing out (being memorable) and fitting in (relating to the presentations before and after you).

To meet both challenges, start by getting copies of other speakers’ presentations (their PowerPoint slides, if appropriate) before hand. You want to ensure that you don’t duplicate what others say, which will annoy your audience. 

You can also defer to those speakers more knowledgeable about topics than you are by virtue of their title and/or experience. In other words, cover only that material where you can claim specialized knowledge and avoid repeating what has already been said. Better still, refer to specific speakers by name to help create an integrated program (as opposed to a series of disconnected presentations).  Both your fellow speakers and audience will thank you! 

To meet both challenges, start by getting copies of other speakers’ presentations (their PowerPoint slides, if appropriate) before hand. You want to ensure that you don’t duplicate what others say, which will annoy your audience. 

You can also defer to those speakers more knowledgeable about topics than you are by virtue of their title and/or experience. In other words, cover only that material where you can claim specialized knowledge and avoid repeating what has already been said. Better still, refer to specific speakers by name to help create an integrated program (as opposed to a series of disconnected presentations).  Both your fellow speakers and audience will thank you!

Genuine Enthusiasm Never Grows Old

I’ve been told that my feelings show plainly on my face. I don’t have a “poker face;” rather, you can glean my state of mind with a simple glance. While I have learned to keep this tendency in check, I’ll never fool people who know me well.

What I will never suppress—what I remain steadfast in expressing freely—is my enthusiasm. I gush. I get excited. I gesture emphatically. I speak more quickly. I cannot fake it. It’s not acting. It’s the way I am.

The thing is, I’m older than the age of a person you’d think would be most prone to such expressions of enthusiasm. How do I know? I look at people’s faces when I’m in the midst of one of my outbursts of enthusiasm. They often have smiles on their faces suggesting “he cannot be serious” or “he’s pretending to be enthusiastic.” It’s like once you reach a certain age a staid, stern demeanor should be what you present to the world. 

Our world is full of posturing, pretending, self-aggrandizing behavior and calculated “personal branding.” The last thing we need is more of the same. We need expressions of genuine excitement, the more spontaneous the better. 

Let us celebrate such enthusiastic expressions of appreciation, wonder, and joy, no matter our age. Because genuine enthusiasm never grows old. I am living proof of this point. 

When You Get to the Front of the Line, Know What You Want

You’re waiting in line to order food. It’s a long line. The menu hangs on the wall behind the register. It is impossible to miss. You also might be able to find the menu on the venue’s web site, using your  phone—where you most likely will direct your attention while you patiently wait. 

Consider a similar scenario. You’re in line for a popular sporting event. One person in a group has purchased tickets for friends and family with them. But when they reach the entrance, they’re still waiting for others. So the person with the tickets holds up the line waiting for the stragglers in their party.

What astounds me in the both of these scenarios is that when people get to the front of the line they aren’t ready to act. In the first scenario, they don’t know what they want. In the second scenario, they are not all together. In both instances, everyone behind them must wait. What have these people been doing with their time while waiting in line? Is it too much to ask that you have a good idea of what food you want, or that your group is ready to enter together? I don’t think so. 

The solution is simple: When you reach the front of the line, be ready to act. Know what you want. Use your waiting time purposely to prepare for that moment. The people waiting behind you will be grateful, and you’ll move through life more efficiently too.