Letting Go of "If Things Had Been Different"

I've agonized over many years about past decisions, especially those related to my education and career. 

If only I had taken time off after graduating from college before attending graduate school, I would have felt more refreshed and energized. And the outcome of my initial doctoral program experience would have been different. Or so I tell myself. 

If only I had not decided to start my own public relations agency when I did (after a mere four years in the industry) and waited a few years, I would have gained additional experience and insight in working for a big-name agency. Or working internally for an organization. More experience working for someone else would have served me better than the path I took. Or so I tell myself.

The list goes on and on. And no doubt it would continue to do so, had I not come to an important realization. 

If anything in my past had been different, everything that followed it would have been different. My life today would be different. I'm not sure exactly how, or if I would be in a better or worse place. It just would be different.

Moreover, to wish for "things to have been different" projects onto the past what I learned since then--but which I didn't know at the time. I know I did my very best at the time. The results were what they were. I learned, or believe I've learned, from my successes and shortcomings. And I can apply this insight to the present, while leaving the past in the past. 

In short, I've let go of thinking "if things had been different."

Kudos on Serving as Master of Ceremonies, Monterey County Business Council, April 24, 2026

Many thanks to the Monterey County Business Council (MCBC) for providing me with this opportunity to serve as their annual event’s Master of Ceremonies on April 24, 2026, and their very kind words.

And here's a picture of me as Master of Ceremonies at the event.

Sometimes, You Just Know But Cannot Explain Why

Sometimes, you just know. But you can't explain why. Let me offer an example.

I recently completed an improv class. I had my doubts going into the class about the experience given my participation in past improv classes, not to mention where I felt I wanted to invest my energy. Nonetheless, I had a great time and met some wonderful people in the process. 

A "drop in" improv group offered me and others in my class the opportunity to further develop our skills. I attended. Once. I had a good time. I laughed a lot. Granted, I had some awkward and uncomfortable moments but nothing that caused any lingering anxiety or frustration. 

Yet as I drove away from the drop-in improv meeting space, I knew I wouldn't return. I knew my future lay in areas other than improv. I just knew. I didn't need to consider the matter any further. I didn't tell myself I needed to give improv another chance. I didn't need to weigh the pros and cons of improv. Nor did I feel compelled to ponder my "future possibilities" in improv. I just knew it wasn't for me. And I didn't need to justify this feeling, nor explain it to anyone else. 

Upon coming to this realization, I felt an assuredness and lightness of spirit I've come to cherish. It's fleeting at best. It doesn't linger--it never does. So when I feel it, I pause, I notice it, and I enjoy it. 

One Comes In, Then One Goes Out

I've adopted a simple, straightforward rule for how to manage the material items in my life. When I acquire something new, something else goes out.

In general, that means an item is replaced by a similar item. I buy a new book, and another book gets donated. I download a new app, and at least one new app gets deleted. The same holds true for me with clothes, for example. I buy a new shirt, and at least one older shirt gets donated. 

It's not a hard and fast rule. I'm not mindlessly discarding items simply for the sake of doing so. Yet this rule always factors into my thought process. 

So, at the very least, I'm ever mindful about individual material items in my life and what comes, goes, and stays. Therefore, as I consider clothes, books, and other items in my life, I ask: Do I still wear (use) it? Will I wear (use) it in the future? Does the item have any meaning for me? Will I miss it if it's no longer in my life? Anything short of a "no" response to these questions means I keep the item. My responses may change in the future, and that's fine. But for now, I'm clear about my next step and don't need to perseverate over that individual item. 

Let’s Tackle Systemic Problems Rather Than Focus on the “Gotcha” Mentality of Compliance-Based Systems

An organizational culture focused on compliance places a premium on following “the rules.” Those rules may be spelled out in painstaking detail, or mysterious and unclear. Nonetheless, actors in that culture must comply with them or else they may suffer the consequences of not doing so.

You might consider such compliance simply means being accountable. I’m all for accountability, and for accepting the consequences of my errors. Let me be crystal clear about that. If you’re wrong, you’re wrong. If you made a mistake, you made a mistake. If you need to submit certain paperwork in a certain way and fail to do so, you must recognize that. There are no excuses. But what I’m talking about here goes far beyond that.

 

For one, despite an effort to be clear, what passes for “compliance” varies from one person to the next. A compliance culture strives to provide black and white solutions. The real world hardly complies. Reality is multicolored and far more complex than the rule enforcers would dare imagine. Compliance authorities, moreover, no doubt have their own motives. These undoubtedly cloud their efforts. They’re looking for wrongdoing, no matter how they define it, and “gotcha” is their end game. They seem to simply want to put another trophy on their mantle. What can happen as a result is a “guilty until proven innocent” mentality. It shines a white-hot spotlight on individuals when the evidence of wrongdoing is unclear, if not nonexistent. That’s all in the name of “compliance” and targeting those who at a glance appear to have violated it in some way. 

 

The far bigger problem is as follows. A narrow focus on compliance neglects the systemic issues raised by the incidence of such noncompliance (real or imagined). Yes, these systemic issues can be messy and hard to address. They also might mitigate the severity of the original “offense” and render the judgment of the compliance officer moot. For example, “wrongdoing” might have resulted due to the neglect, if not incompetence, of others working in the organization. System checks that might have prevented a problem before it occurred may have failed or not even been in place to start. 

 

To build learning organizations, we must seize the opportunities posed by such issues of “noncompliance” to make real and lasting changes. A “gotcha” mentality serves the needs of no one—except for those pesky compliance officers. 

 

You Cannot Talk About Writing That Doesn't Actually Exist

I was meeting with a member of my doctoral dissertation committee. We were reviewing a draft of the opening chapter of my dissertation. As the office door was open, in sauntered a fellow doctoral student who also was working with this same faculty member.

The student stated, "Dr. Jones (not her real name), I'd like to talk to you about my dissertation proposal." Dr. Jones looked at the student somewhat quizzically, paused, and replied with all due enthusiasm: "Talk about it? There's nothing to talk about. You haven't written anything. When you've written something send it to me. Then we can talk about it." 

That comment by itself reinforced for me the urgency of writing. That means not just thinking about writing. Nor does it mean merely talking about writing. It refers to actually writing about your proposed topic. There is no substitute for doing so. 

Building a Personal Archive: Webinar Upcoming April 15, 2026

Personal archiving involves capturing and protecting your "living history" to ensure that your experiences remain available for the duration of your life—and for the benefit of future generations, if that's your goal. Whether your history is contained in physical boxes or digitally, archival principles provide a roadmap to transform these materials from a "stuff-to-be-filed" pile into an organized legacy. 

PCI Webinars has invited me to deliver a webinar on April 15, 2026 to share what I've learned in putting together my own personal archive. Participants will learn how to get started with putting together their personal archive, allowing them to manage memories methodically. 

By the end of this webinar, participants will be able to:

• Determine which items have enduring significance to their personal narrative
• Organize their collection 
• Identify appropriate preservation guidelines for non-digital media
• Begin to outline a digital storage strategy, including social media

If you have questions, or would like to discuss having me offer this webinar to your group, please contact me. 

Received an Email from a Colleague? You Owe Them a Response

It's one thing to choose not to respond to an email from someone you don't know. I can understand that inaction at one level, although I don't always agree with the practice. 

It's a far different thing to choose not to respond to email from people you work with. I'm talking about individuals who work for the same organization as you. They may be peers, or direct reports, or supervisors. You may or may not know them personally. It makes no difference. You owe them the courtesy of a response. The failure to do so shows at best a lack of respect. At worst, it communicates a disdain for those who committed to serve the same cause as you. 

Maybe you cannot respond right away. Perhaps you're not in a position to respond at all. That's okay. Let the sender know where things stand so they're not left in the lurch waiting for a reply. Recognize the absence of a reply may create difficulties for that sender.

I'm astounded that well-educated, "accomplished" people don't respond to email from colleagues. I'm even more astounded that such inaction often goes unreported and unacknowledged. 

Unless we are accountable to each other as professionals, the work we do can be more difficult than it needs to be. That accountability starts with responding to your colleagues' email.

Podcast Appearance: Interview about My Professional Journey

Check out this podcast interview--just published today! I discuss my career path and what I'm thinking about in terms of what comes next. 

Moderating April 13, 2026 Panel: Moving into the Ombuds Role: Strategies for Entering into and Advancing in the Profession

My proposal to present at the 2026 International Ombuds Association Annual Conference has been accepted! I will facilitate a panel entitled "Moving into the Ombuds Role: Strategies for Entering into and Advancing in the Profession." It will take place on April 13, 2026. I'm ecstatic that Scott Cantor and Amanda Dean agreed to participate as panelists.

I'll share more in early 2026 as panel materials are developed.

Gratitude and Appreciation for Leadership Monterey Program Role

I'm so very grateful for the opportunity I've been given the last four years to facilitate Leadership Monterey County.This ten month program, offered by the Monterey County Business Council (MCBC), is attended by leaders from throughout the county. Individually and collectively, they've been a joy to work with and to get to know. 

I was especially touched to have received these messages from recent program graduates.

ONE

I really appreciate you and the energy and personality you brought to Leadership Monterey every month on Fridays when the group met. You are an amazing person, and I always appreciated how you lit up the bus.

Thank you for all that you do in such a thoughtful way. It was an incredible opportunity to learn so much about the history within our county of Monterey, and even more meaningful to make connections with the group. Your guidance and encouragement helped make those connections possible, and I truly value them.

TWO

You are awesome and have amazing energy and enthusiasm. Thank you for being you and all you offer Leadership Monterey County! You were a big part of why I enjoyed the program so much.

I am scheduled to serve as facilitator in 2026-2027. Stay tuned for more posts about my experiences and the amazing participants!!

A Plea for a Graceful and Accepting Attitude When Receiving Negative Feedback

I've received thousands of evaluations on my teaching from students enrolled in my classes. Most of this feedback has been positive, even glowing. Yet there's been plenty of feedback on how to improve. In some instances, comments have been more pointed and even personal. Regardless, it's all just feedback. I'm grateful for all of it. No one comment is more or less valuable than any other one. In short, I've adopted an attitude of gracefulness and acceptance towards all student feedback. It has served me well over the years.

I couldn't help but reflect on my approach to feedback recently. I had just attended a Homeowners Association (HOA) Board of Directors meeting. It serves the community where my wife and I live. When called upon, I shared our experience in working with an electrician recommended by the HOA's management company.  In short, our experience was not pleasant. Communication was intermittent at best. On top of that, the project took longer to complete than originally estimated. The final price was not the quoted price. Therefore, I proclaimed, we would not call on this electrician in the future when we needed such services.

The management company's president responded with two comments.

1. "Gee, that's the first time I've ever heard anything negative about the electrician."
2. "Well, Mitchell, you were the among the first owners to reach out to this electrician to complete the project in question."

I interpreted these comments as follows:

1. I was the only one who had ever had issues with the electrician. No one else had complained before, so my assessment was deemed less than valid. 
2. I shouldn't have expected the electrician to have the project all figured out. After all, I was in one of the first units his crew had worked on! Apparently, they needed time to figure it all out. My wife and I didn't know that. Therefore, given the need to respond to the management company's mandate to address a critical electrical issue, we suffered through the electrician's learning curve. 

I felt dismissed. I felt patronized. 

All that I needed was a thank you for my feedback. That's it. Instead, I'm left wondering if my words mattered one bit. 

In short, the situation called for a more gracefulness toward and acceptance of feedback. That would have gone a long way towards making me feel good about being a member of the community.  

We Can Never Thank Our Volunteers Enough

Organizations that rely heavily on the contributions of volunteers realize two points. One, volunteers by definition don't have to do anything. They can simply pick up and walk away as they see fit. And two, absent the effort of dedicated volunteers, these organizations are unable to do the work they need to do.

That's why the successful recruitment and retention of volunteers begins with appreciation. That means recognizing volunteers for their ongoing contributions to the organization. The substance of such recognition may vary. Nevertheless, it's factored into planning and execution of volunteer programs.

Saying "thank you" is the simplest, clearest form of recognition. It might be a shout out at an event. Or listing volunteer names on a PowerPoint slide. Or sharing volunteer achievements in a newspaper article. And of course social media posts can acknowledge individuals by name. In short, opportunities abound to show our appreciation for volunteer efforts. 

It doesn't necessarily take a lot of time, or effort, or money, to share such appreciation. It only requires a commitment to do so that's born out of a genuine caring and concern for the individuals who step forward to donate their time and talent. 

The Absurdity of the Statement "I would love to teach, but I don't want to do all the grading"

I've been teaching for 27 years. So, when someone asks me what I do, I necessarily talk about teaching. During the conversation that ensues, the person with whom I am speaking often comments: "I would love to teach, but I don't want to do all the grading."

Let's break this statement down a bit.

"Grading" refers to a letter grade, numerical score, or simply a pass/fail based on the assessment of student work on an "assignment." That assignment might written, spoken, or in another format. Regardless, the assignment calls on students to apply what they've learned in the course. Reviewing this student work provides the instructor feedback on student progress. More broadly, the instructor gains insight about the effectiveness of their teaching. Assessing the work--"grading" it-- gives the student feedback on how well they're doing in the class. Ideally, it also offers recommendations for improvement--that is, to help students learn and grow. 

"Grading" serves the needs of both the instructor and student. Without it, it's impossible to determine if actual learning takes place. 

In short, to proclaim "I would love to teach, but I don't want to do all the grading" is absurd. They necessarily go together. 

On Fighting the Battle When You're the Only Combatant

I'm a fighter. That means if there's a cause I believe in, or an argument worth making, I will do so. It also means I get clear about what I want and relentlessly ask for it if need be. Over time I've improved my ability to identify circumstances that merit a good fight. Nonetheless, I may pay a price for my actions and attitudes. That's okay. I've fought the good fight. I've been true to myself. 

Yet I see that sometimes (perhaps even most of the time) I will fight when I'm the only one doing so. I get it into my head that others are pitted against me and equally willing to fight. Such "opposition" often doesn't exist. There may be little to no interest in the issue. Or me and my concerns are the furthest things from anyone's mind.

So there's no fight. There's no need for me to fight. So I've learned not to do so. And on those occasions, I gain a bit more peace of mind. That, plus the likelihood I'll direct my attention to individual interests and concerns. That's a whole lot more productive and satisfying than fighting.